quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
