i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
