Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
