I need help removing her.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
