It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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