We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
