I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
