I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
