take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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