There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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