I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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