I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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