Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
