Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
