my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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