I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
