What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
