he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
