My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
