I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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