batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
