Swine flu. Run for my life!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't turn off my feet"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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