I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
