I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
