They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
