I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
