its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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