Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
