You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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