Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
