guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
