You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
