Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
