I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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