went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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