oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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