Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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