It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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