he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
