It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
