The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
