Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
