I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
