I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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