I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
