I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
