I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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