Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
