We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
