he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dick very happy bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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