Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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