i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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