you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
