Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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