New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
