If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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