You're completely useless in the revolution.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
