and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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