maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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