there's paper in my vomit.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
