You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
