Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
