my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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