Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
