yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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